A stupid California law

Does California research laws at all before they decide to pass them? Research has shown for example that GPS systems actually improve automotive driver safety. If used properly a GPS mounted system in your automobile can also help reduce fuel consumption by hopefully directing you to the fastest route towards your destination. California is trying to be environmentally green yet they contradict themselves.

California actually passed a law preventing GPS systems from being mounted in the front windshield. California needs to re-evaluate this law and do some further study.

USA fails to sign Kyoto Protocol

So President Bush doesn't want to sign the Kyoto Protocol. I suppose the reason for that is the amount of CO2 being expelled from the mouths of government officials. A leader is a person who creates a viable change. Therefore President Bush doesn't qualify as a leader. Oh yes, he is the President, but he is not a leader. What will President Bush (the 2nd one) be remembered for? Wars...and nothing else. The worst President ever elected.

If you want to lead an environmental change you lead by example. In fact there is money to be made by many companies who wish to make equipment and the means to reduce dangerous gas omissions.

To assist in the reduction of bad gas emissions I take public transportation whenever possible and squeeze out one less fart per day than I used to.

New anti-rape device

First of all rape is not a humorous subject. It is a violent crime. What I am posting here is a new device that will soon be available for women in South Africa which has the highest rape percentage of any nation. It is a product worn internally by women and if raped the device's teeth latches onto the victim's penis and has to be removed by a doctor. Here is the link to the article:

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?storyID=2140

The Legend of LeeAnn

(I liked this poem I wrote so much that I thought I would post it here as well as my poetry website)

The Legend of LeeAnn (Copyright 2007 RR Johnson jr)

Down in the Louisiana Bayou
within the darkest wood
lives a old witch named LeeAnn
whose life was never understood

In her early years
a man betrayed her love
she placed an evil spell on him
that the nearby townsfolk rarely speak of

One day three men drunk at a local bar
placed a bet that one of them could destroy
the old witches hut and kill LeeAnn
to end the evil spells she seemed to enjoy

Jim Johnson drunk as a skunk went out into the Bayou
and after hours of searching found
the old witches hut
but with no one around

He waited for the old witch on her porch
with a gun in his hand
but with whiskey in his body
he fell into a deep sleep you understand

When Jim awoke
he found himself naked and tied
to the old witches rocking chair
and no where to hide

The witch cast a spell on him
her most powerful to date
Jim's hands trembled in fear
thinking he'd soon be Bayou alligator bait

He fell into sleep again
the spell was so strong
and when he awoke again
he was in his boat and felt nothing was wrong

The whiskey must have made him dream
he thought aloud
never again would be travel drunk in his boat
deep in the Bayou he vowed

Jim travelled back to the local bar
and there he heard everyone gasp
for the old witch had turned him
into a beautiful female lass

Now men don't venture into the Bayou
to look for LeeAnn the old witch
or else you might lose the family jewels
and not have to scratch that itch

Odors

As a person who attempts to help the environment by riding on public transportation as often as possible I find that my own personal environment is polluted with those persons around me who seem to be totally unaware of private hygiene. That being said there is also the problem of those men and women who also give the words 'personal hygiene' a bad name because they like to see how much perfume they can wear. Or is because they stink so badly they need to over indulge themselves on perfume? I can also tell you that there is no truth to the rumour that women do not fart. I have personally witnessed this on a train into Amsterdam. Not only did this woman not apologize for her rather abrupt release of gas but she smiled as though a great pain of release had left her body. I wonder if people understand the difference between deodorant and antiperspirant? I use something that has both. I suppose that using deodorant is the lesser of two evils but seeing someone with a huge wet spot underneath their armpits is not exactly wonderful either.

Very Hairy Backs

I have a very hairy back, as well as a hairy chest, butt, and legs. I was born that way. If laser hair removal were not so expensive I would really consider it. I am very tired of other people finding my pubic hairs in the bathroom or anywhere else. What is really needed here is some type of method whereby a hairy back man can shave or remove all of the hair himself without too much effort. Actually it's not the back hair that is obnoxious. It is the butt hair. No matter how carefully a hairy butt man attempts to use the toilet small pieces of toilet paper stick to it. Can you laser off butt hole hair as easily as you can a hairy back?

Thoughts for today....

Seeing people walk the streets of Amsterdam gives me some hope that the world may yet survive hatred which is the greatest enemy of all. In one city there are so many cultures and relative peace and tranquility. Actually the only thing that causes me concern, if anything, is the tourists. For example to watch an older American couple pass by a 'lady of the evening' displaying herself in the Red Light District. The older woman stared in awe and then said to her husband, "Why, I never..." I immediately passed by her and asked, "Do you have children?" She looked at me and said "Yes." To which I replied "Well you can't say never because if you have children then obviously you have done "it" at least one time."

Are thongs out and breasts in?

A few years ago and for a very long time thong (G-string) underwear for women worn above the pants line was the 'rage' or 'fashion' of the time. As a very humble observer of the female body I've noticed that I see less and less of this trend this summer. This summer I've seen more women showing off their breasts. Perhaps women might deny this or speak of me in the evil tongue, but I swear that this year compared to last year women are showing off their breasts more. So I guess that means that g-strings (thongs) are out and breasts are back in popularity?

The shrinking penis

It is a fact. If you don't use it you lose it. I haven't had sex in a very long time. The lack of blood flowing through the manhood causes that appendix to shrink. If you workout at a gym the muscles carry more blood, stay hard, and rigid. The penis is a muscle. There are exercise machines for every muscle in the body. They really need to come up with an exercise machine for the penis for those of us who just can't seem to get enough sex.

Netherlands train doors

I probably wouldn't say this unless I actually saw it happen at least three times. On several occasions I have personally witnessed people who try to catch a Dutch train with about 20 seconds to go before the doors will close and they try to see if they can get into the doors in the farthest train car. For example the stairs leading up to the train in question has the door open and the whistle has blown meaning that the doors will soon close. Someone runs up the stairs and tries to run to the doors of the train about 100 meters away. Obviously they are training for the Olympics. Why not just enter the train at the closest point, then walk down the train to the point where you want to sit? Another thing that bothers me are people who walk up and down the train for about 15 minutes trying to find that one "perfect" place to sit. Once they find the perfect spot they sit for less than 5 minutes because their train is about to make a stop where they wish to depart.

Good Fitting Underwear

I don't know why but I simply can't find a good fitting pair of boxer shorts anymore or a pair that lasts a long time. I sit down and I feel like my testicles are being pinched which is something I really didn't expect from boxer shorts. I've tried regular men's briefs but they're even worse. I actually found 'one' pair that fit well but I can't find anymore from the manufacturer. I pray for the day when someone, somehow, will actually make good fitting boxer shorts that keeps my testicles safe and secure.

Punishment for Terrorists

Recently some people at my work were talking about punishment for terrorists. Specifically what cruel punishments we could think of for them but of course only hypothetically. One person mentioned cutting off their right arm. Another person mentioned they should be buried in a hole with fire ants. Another person mentioned a sex change operation. Well finally everyone's eyes were on me and I thought about the subject for a while. I decided that punishment for terrorists should be done by tying them in the water behind a boat in the Louisiana bijou and tow them for use as alligator bait. Hey, alligators have to eat too!

Open Freedom

The reason I like Amsterdam in the Netherlands is tolerance. What other place can you find a large multitude of languages, religion, and sexual orientation in the world? Or watch a canal boat pass by a bridge as a homeless man (perhaps a drug addict) defecates in the waters of the Amstel? The homeless man waving to the tourists on the canal boat as the feces continues to fall. This is actually a bad example of Amsterdam. Amsterdam is actually one of the most friendliest places on the planet. If you have a desire to smoke a marijuana joint you can do so at a coffeeshop. Haven't had sex for a while? Well there is the red light district. That goes for men as well as women! There are male and female....um...givers of sexual pleasure. If you're gay or lesbian the same applies. Lots of places to get a large frothy cup of coffee or a large mug of beer. Watching a woman kiss another woman or a man kissing another man is tolerated so well in Holland. Too bad the world can't do the same.

Viagra Emails

It's amazing just how many Viagra emails I receive on a daily basis asking me to buy Viagra. Although the email(s) is/are in my junk email box and is/are probably a hoax it's amazing just how many people believe they can sell a penis enlargement or a penis staying power pill. Are there really that many men out there who suffer low blood flow in the penis? For the normal heterosexual male surely there are many ways to entice staying power. Perhaps breathing is a major key. When engaged in sex try not to breathe so fast. Take slow long breaths of air. Don't speak while having sex...this just consumes more oxygen. "Yeah baby," and "Oh, yes," are particularly habit forming problem words which speed up breathing. "Oh, god," are definitely words to avoid because when you curse God when having sex God has many ways to get even with you.
Copyright 29 July 2007 RR Johnson Jr.

Cleaning the toilet

I have to firmly announce that in about 8 out of 10 times I clean the toilet without getting negative feedback from the 'woman'. The 2 times I do get the negative feedback I haven't a clue what's she's talking about:

"You didn't clean the toilet good enough with the brush!" She exclaims.

"Yes I did clean it thoroughly."

"Then why do I see small pieces of poop floating in the bottom?" She asks.

"Because gravity decided to go on strike today."

At this point in time her face is red so I have to give in.

"OK, I'll flush twice next time."

"Oh, and you use too much toilet paper," she adds.

"Well I've got a very hairy butt. It takes more toilet paper for hairy butt men then for non hairy butt men."

"Then you should shave your butt hair!" She yells.

"Sorry but no blade is going close to my butthole. No way and no how!"

And so it goes on and on.
Copyright 29 July 2007 RR Johnson Jr.

Sex and Football (soccer)

It never ceases to amaze me how women decide they want to have sex during the middle of a very important football (soccer) game. I suppose it's jealousy. Women are jealous of anything that seems to deviate full attention from them. Of course if you refuse their advance then you're in the dog house for at least a week. Don't count on any sex for at least two weeks afterwards. I finally decided how to alleviate this problem without upsetting a woman too much. One of the things that women hate is to talk about poop as in deification, poop, crap, well you get the idea. On a day when there is an important football game I mention when I come home from work that my stomach is upset and that I need to let loose a huge bowel movement. After going to the toilet I mention that I have gas. I pretend to fart and pretend to moan as my gas pain is alleviated. This seems to work on a grand scale. What do women think we are? Some sort of sex gods that whenever they want sex we have to obligate ourselves? We are human beings too. There are very important things in life such as football (soccer), beer, and food. I'm sorry but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Copyright 29 July 2007 RR Johnson Jr.