Viagra Emails

It's amazing just how many Viagra emails I receive on a daily basis asking me to buy Viagra. Although the email(s) is/are in my junk email box and is/are probably a hoax it's amazing just how many people believe they can sell a penis enlargement or a penis staying power pill. Are there really that many men out there who suffer low blood flow in the penis? For the normal heterosexual male surely there are many ways to entice staying power. Perhaps breathing is a major key. When engaged in sex try not to breathe so fast. Take slow long breaths of air. Don't speak while having sex...this just consumes more oxygen. "Yeah baby," and "Oh, yes," are particularly habit forming problem words which speed up breathing. "Oh, god," are definitely words to avoid because when you curse God when having sex God has many ways to get even with you.
Copyright 29 July 2007 RR Johnson Jr.

Cleaning the toilet

I have to firmly announce that in about 8 out of 10 times I clean the toilet without getting negative feedback from the 'woman'. The 2 times I do get the negative feedback I haven't a clue what's she's talking about:

"You didn't clean the toilet good enough with the brush!" She exclaims.

"Yes I did clean it thoroughly."

"Then why do I see small pieces of poop floating in the bottom?" She asks.

"Because gravity decided to go on strike today."

At this point in time her face is red so I have to give in.

"OK, I'll flush twice next time."

"Oh, and you use too much toilet paper," she adds.

"Well I've got a very hairy butt. It takes more toilet paper for hairy butt men then for non hairy butt men."

"Then you should shave your butt hair!" She yells.

"Sorry but no blade is going close to my butthole. No way and no how!"

And so it goes on and on.
Copyright 29 July 2007 RR Johnson Jr.

Sex and Football (soccer)

It never ceases to amaze me how women decide they want to have sex during the middle of a very important football (soccer) game. I suppose it's jealousy. Women are jealous of anything that seems to deviate full attention from them. Of course if you refuse their advance then you're in the dog house for at least a week. Don't count on any sex for at least two weeks afterwards. I finally decided how to alleviate this problem without upsetting a woman too much. One of the things that women hate is to talk about poop as in deification, poop, crap, well you get the idea. On a day when there is an important football game I mention when I come home from work that my stomach is upset and that I need to let loose a huge bowel movement. After going to the toilet I mention that I have gas. I pretend to fart and pretend to moan as my gas pain is alleviated. This seems to work on a grand scale. What do women think we are? Some sort of sex gods that whenever they want sex we have to obligate ourselves? We are human beings too. There are very important things in life such as football (soccer), beer, and food. I'm sorry but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Copyright 29 July 2007 RR Johnson Jr.